dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
