Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
