my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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