So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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