i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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