Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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