i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
It's official drugs can't kill me
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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