Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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