you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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