dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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