are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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