I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
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