You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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