Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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