My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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