are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Randomize
