when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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