Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
