please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
