I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize