I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
