I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Brb crying the tears of my youth
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
