Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
