I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
