Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
