Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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