i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
