I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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