so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
not ubering you a puppy
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
