you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
