i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
