He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
