buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
