I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
