i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
