Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
