Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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