Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
