hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Randomize