I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
