a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
