At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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