I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize