I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
