im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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