I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
