Plan B is the new Plan A
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
