i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
