she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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