Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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