I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Randomize
