Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
