I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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