i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
