I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
