woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
