Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize