This girl is more easily done than said...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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