There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
