I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
