Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
