problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
