How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
