so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just gargled with NyQuil
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
