Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
