people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
