i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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