Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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