She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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