My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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