i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize