how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
